a little update and thx to my myspace buddies

Posted on December 30, 2006 by Brittany

i just want everyone who has been emailing me and all that to know im great right now. i think about being sick everyday, but i find ways to get past it, and if i dont, i have a bad day, everyone does.. oh well. But i love my job, i love my family and im just happy right now, im in a good place and i hope that it stays that way. i think leaving my mother has improved my ED.. its not easy being in a competition every day. i do love my mom very much though, and she needs help for sure. but i love my dad, living with him is what ive needed to fill a gap in my heart. and thx for everyone sending their support and advice. and thx to renfrew, it really did help me, i didnt think it at the time, but when i go back, and im glad its on film, i guess not alot of people have that to look back to, but when i go back, i think of all the advice, and i think of how i let people walk all over me, and it makes me stronger.. i can tell people who piss me off whats what... and i can give advice and take it too. thx again all. and good luck to all of those people who are getting help. and for those who have ED's that arent getting help, you know what you need to do.. even if it's a friend for advice, dont keep your feelings in, let em out or they will destroy you

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Replies

January 03, 2007 by steph

heyy britt,
its steph from myspce, nd i just wanted to say how thankful i am to be able to even begin to tlk to u. and i hope we get to tlk more! i would also like to say, that u are ane of the reasons, why i want to wake up every day...and that is really hard.

ever since i watched the documentary, i hav began to realize, that i am NOT the only one with an ED, and i am not the only one who struggles EVERY single day, to overcome the fear of gaining weight. and i kno i am not the only one suffering evry day with depression, anxiety, and all of these other emotions! and the one person i KNOW i CAN thank for that...EVERY DAY,........................is YOU, britt, you made me realize all of these things, and now that will only help me get through it, more easily.

thnx

~steph

January 03, 2007 by RecoverED

I am glad you are doing well, Brittany... Add me on your myspace, my myspace URL is

www.myspace.com/authenticexpression

Best of luck to you !!

January 03, 2007 by steph

heyy britt,
its steph from myspace, and i am sooooooo happy that u r doin wel!!!
i would just like to remind u, that u hav done ALOT for me(and i never met u)

over the past 5-6 months, or so i hav began to realize, that i am NOT the only one with an ED, i am NOT the only one that goes through this STRUGGLE evry day, and i am certainly NOT the only one who goes trough DEPRESSION, ANXIETY, and ALL of those feelings. and ABSOLUTLY NO ONE has ever made me realize that...except YOU....and i mean that!!! i hav NEVER EVER wanted to get better, until i saw 'THIN'...and i never wanted to wake up in mornings, knowing that i would be surrounded by ppl that wil always be skinny, pretty, and have the life that they want. i never evr wanted to c the day wen i got "BETTER".

and as i sit here, nd shed some tears...just kno that,u r one of the two reasons, i get up in the morning, and want to try and live the life that i hav always dreamed of. i kno it wont be perfect, and i kno i wil always hav that 'feeling' in me, but i do kno, that 'IT' will get better, and that is one reason, and on reason ONLY.......nd that is "YOU" britt...thnx!!!!

i noticed, that in my life, i hav soooooo many ppl that i care about, to throw it all away, and i hav those ppl that i could care less about... but i find it really 'funny',that i c myself helping the ones i could 'care less about', more than the ones that will always be there for me. and i always wondered y, until one of the 'grls' came bac. she was sick for almost the whole year in 8th grade(i am the one who is always worried about other ppl) and then this year, i never tlked to this grl much, but i noticed that 'somthing' brought me to her, nd i thik it was a cry for help, from her, tellin me, that i 'HAD' to help this grl. nd the last thing i thought that might be wrong, was the 'THING' that was wrong. no one new, but me. she was anorexic, and bulimic(she stil is, but it is better). and now...we are really great friends!!! his happend like, 2 weeks ago...nd 'THIN' made me think, so i took that oppertunity to reach out to someone in need. and u gave me that strength. i kno we didnt tlk, but knoing that i wasnt the only one...that is wat did it, and u took the strength to do wat u did, nd now it was my turn.

thnx britt

~steph

message bac

January 04, 2007 by steph

sry i didnt mean to post two messages, i thought that the 1st on was deleted, so i made a new one.

: )lol

~steph

January 18, 2007 by Shannon

Brittany,
I am so glad to hear that you are doing well. Watching you in the film broke my heart so it makes me happy to hear that you are living with your father and happier these days Best of luck to you! You're worth it!
xo Shannon

August 26, 2007 by robin

Hey brittney! I, too, watched the video "Thin" and saw you have the rough times with your eating disorder. I am a 34 yr old woman who has struggled with anorexia and bulimia for about 20 yrs. I am so tired of living in the cruel world of ED's. I am currently seeking counseling and am trying to do my best to survive. After watching the video i always wondered how you were doing and happened to stumble across a website that directed me here. I am so glad it did. I am happy to hear that things are going better for you and your family. I want you to know you are always in my thoughts and prayers. I hope we can keep in touch. Take care of yourself and don't ever give up hope. Love, sunflowers

October 19, 2007 by Shana

Hi Brittany, I don't know if you read this anymore? Anyway, i know what it is like to have a mom with an ED. That is where I learned mine from. I didn't have to do Internet searches or watch movies- I knew what was up before I was 10 years old! There is such a competitive aspect in living with someone with an ED, even if you are trying to recover, it is like being a drug addict and living in the house with another drug addict. It's weird, because most people don't have to worry about their MOM being the source of unhealthy behavior triggers- just the opposite! My sister also struggles with EDs and it's frustrating. There's always that shadow over everything we "try" to do together as a family. I feel funny even being around my mom now that I am at a "normal" weight, like I somehow let her down or "failed" (even though I've graduated college, bought a house and got a good job that I am very successful at.) How sad that I feel like a failure as her child because I can no longer fit into a certain pair of jeans. I hope things work out for you in college. I guess by now you are already there. Just be careful- college is FULL of things that trigger ED thinking and can bring out the worst in someone who has a history of EDs. Constantly comparing yourself to all the girls who tan and have perfect hair, skin and bodies. Living in a dorm where lots of other girls are throwing up, bingeing, restricting or over-exercising, there's always a "partner in crime." Or sitting alone in your dorm room, knowing that there's comfort to be found in bineing or over-exercising. I know that I had relapse issues the two times I attempted to go away to college. Surround yourself with support and don't be afriad to ask for help. Good luck!

March 05, 2008 by Laura

Please add me on myspace. www.myspace.com/laurastout

April 11, 2008 by muriel

hello there...the first time i watch the movie it really socked me because i've had an ed for 6 years now,i've been in hospital twice and most of the time i felt like nobody understood me,but then i saw you girls going trough the same situation that me and i knew i am not crazy,this is just something that can happen and i know i need help but sometimes its hard to let it go,sometimes i dont want to be healty again,i dont want to have my period back...you reminded me of myself in the scene when you cry desperatly saying that you just want to be thin...god,that really touched me i cant avoid crying every time i see that...
so,im really happy to find out that you are doing great now,i know it's a long road to recovery but i think you're strong enough to make it,and to help you mom too...so keep doing this good,im sure you'll find the way to be happy and leave this disease behind...send me your email if you want to,it would be nice to talk to you
you have all my support
hugs!

May 18, 2008 by Lana

Hello Britt!

I watched THIN the other night, and your courage struck me deeply. I am currently in outpatient recovery for my own eating disorder, and you and the girls encouraged me to take every victory, no matter how small. So thankyou, and stay well!

Love Lana

September 06, 2008 by Rachel

Hi Brittany,

I was so moved by your story in 'Thin' I had to google you and find out how you were doing. I'm so happy you seem to be not only surviving, but thriving, and using your experience to help others. It seems you've become a role model for younger people afflicted by ED's. You could have gone off the radar, but you haven't, you've contributed to this world in a huge wayby choosing to helping others who are also living life with an ED. Your brave decision to be filmed has done so much good in highlighting this horrific disease. I don't know you, but I'm proud of you just the same. :)

Clearly your mum loves you, but the link between her ED and your own is glaringly obvious, and I'm glad that the makers of 'Thin' were able to highlight this aspect, because the influence of mothers on the eating habits and issues of daughters is something that I don't feel is recognised in our society as the problem it is. My own mother's fixation with dieting and calorie counting created in me an awareness of the whole fat/thin thing, as an adolescent. By the time I was 12 I knew how many calories were in most things, and my mother didn't see this as a problem. By 13 and 14 my sister and I were restricting and purging, something that consumed my life until I was 25 years old.

What a waste of so many precious carefree teenage years we could have had!

I want to tell you and anybody out there who has an ED and can't ever see it stopping, that it can. You have the power inside of you to just 'switch it off', like that. You can choose to stop. I never thought that was possible, and I would have laughed if anybody had said as much to me during those 12 hellish years looking at the inside of a toilet bowl.. but the day I stopped purging was the day I found out I was pregnant, and had another 'body' to worry about, dependent upon me for it's very survival, and growth. From that day to this I have NEVER purged again, and my dieting just transitioned into healthy, sensible eating with occasional guilt free treats. Incredibly I maintained a lower weight, much more easily, when I had managed to rid myself of bulimia and wasn't focused on food. I think for me the secret was that I loved my baby far more than I loved myself, and while I would hurt myself through my actions and not mind, I couldn't bring myself to endanger my unborn child by my bulimia. I never would have imagined it, but becoming pregnant saved me. I believe the enforced break from the habit of 12 years was enough time for me to retrain my thinking and eating habits. The time away from caring how I looked while pregnant also contributed to the success, because women tend not to worry so much about their figure and weight when they're pregnant as the do normally.. it's just a nature thing!

I'm not saying the answer is pregnancy! I'm simply telling my story. Looking at it logically, I clearly did not love and respect myself for MY health and wellbeing to be important enough to stop my self harming behaviour. I truly think the answer to success in treatment of eating disorders is teaching sufferers self love, forgiveness, self respect, and retraining the way we think of ourselves and our negative self talk. I believe that counsellers need to focus more on promoting this self love, than any single other aspect of treatment. In 12 years I had a lot of therapists, support groups, read a lot of books, tried many different 'cures' for my bulimia, and the only thing that stopped it was wanting to keep my baby safe. If I'd only wanted to keep myself safe and well for the 12 years prior, my life might have been so much different.

Brittany, you can help your mother to help herself simply by forgiving her. By loving her, despite her faults, and the legacy of anorexia she has passed to you.. by approving of her (not her behaviour) and letting her know how much she is loved by you and others, she may one day love herself enough to treat herself with the respect needed to get well.

Good luck. I wish you a beautiful, happy life. I wish I could hug you, precious girl. You shine, you really do. I hope you're very proud of yourself sweetheart.. you deserve to be!

Love,

xRachel

August 24, 2009 by Alice

Hey Brittany.
You were by far my favourite patient on the 'THIN' documentary i recently saw on youtube.
I was just hoping that you're ok and ontop of the world right now.
Believe it or not, i think about the documentary every day, and i often break down like you did stating ''i want to be thin''.
As i'm guessing you know, as you quoted above, i cannot go and get help, because i'm simply too scared.
Sometimes i want help, sometimes i don't.
Nothing could persuade me to go for it though.
Basically all i want to say is,
You're a beautiful girl, and I honestly hope you're ok now..and ruleing the world.
You have so much potential.
Be proud of yourself.
You've achieved so much.
Continue to shine.

Love, Alice xx